[CR]Oh well, back to real life

(Example: Racing:Roger de Vlaeminck)

Date: Tue, 06 May 2003 16:48:02 -0400
To: classicrendezvous@bikelist.org
From: "Larry Osborn" <losborn2@wvu.edu>
Subject: [CR]Oh well, back to real life

Greetings campers and vicarious Cirque-ers

Well, the mountain of crappe I left on my desk is still there, but I have all day tomorrow to figure out some way to teach a semester long course in wood identification in only 3 hours to a group that doesn't know a knot hole from their........ ear hole. I can see the glazed looks in their eyes already. And while I was away I was volunteered to teach a similarly "intensive" course in tree identification. Geez, I haven't done tree stuff in over 20 years. Daaaaaaaaaaaaale, can I hide out in your living room a little longer? I don't like the real world.

Well, it was a very long, tough winter, so I needed this. Just wasn't really in spring mode yet. Haven't been free of snow long enough to get many rides in, furnace is still running hard, but knew it was time to get serious after the neighborhod bear came out of hibernation and ate my bird feeders. It's a tradition. THAT's a sure sign that spring has arrived, and it's time load up the old shitbox and hit the road. Just a word of warning though. Don't wear wear red coveralls while changing your oil first time in the spring. The hummingbirds WILL assault you until you hang their feeder out, and fill it. Little thugs. Pigs DO have wings.

Another funfilled extended weekend with swap bud and occaisional cell-mate Mike Self. And nice to see that Dale's living room is rapidly expanding to include much of the Greensboro metropolitan area. And so it should. Hard to believe it can keep getting better, but as I said to somebody who made a similar comment last year, anywhere it levels off is going to be a heck of a nice plateau. Despite breaking the cardinal rule against riding on consecutive days, I managed to do a better job this year of surviving the event reasonably intact, and didn't reprise my impersonation of New Hampshire's "Old Man in the Mountain", (now just a pile of rubble at the bottom of the mountain). Spent more time at more of the unofficial events, wanted to ride more, and also almost stayed at the arboretum for a while (Have you hugged your tree today?), but the rules are there for a reason. Apologies to those for whom I usually gladly perform coolie labor duties before and after the swap. I tried to avoid lifting anything not obviously made of LTA-nium (Lighter-Than-Air). And while not keeping all my mutinous appendages functioning all the time, at least usually kept them all moving in a loose fomation in the same general direction, on and off the bike. Freaked out the maid after the Saturday ride, I wasn't expecting anybody at the door, not able to get to it anyway, and really hoped that the knocking was on somebody else's door, but she let herself in only to discover some goof sitting on the edge of the tub wearing nothing but bike shorts and several large bags of ice. She beat a hasty retreat, and when I stopped laughing I caught some of the seminars before they were all over.

An uncharacteristically uneventful drive this trip, for which I was grateful. Favorite new roadside attractions include "5 Princesses House of Chocolate". Let your imagination run wild. There's a group photo I probably don't want to see. "Commando Outlet", which I suspect is suffering hard times now from the current slump in sales of gas masks and duct tape. Special deals now on camouflage netting!!. And just like that my house could "disappear" from the satellite photos. Also noticed that the billboard girl for "Fantasies" had moved down the road from her previous location right at the beginning of a series of dangerous curves on Rte 220. And she is a little more fully clothed, and standing, so even if their customers still get distracted, the worst they're going to do is crash into her exposed bare..... ankles. I certainly feel safer.

Famous last words heard most often were "I'm not here to buy anything". I think there's a Cirque t-shirt, secret password, or tatoo in there somewhere, just waiting to happen. Was writing a book years ago with my craziest psycholgist friend that would have been titled "The Great Lies". But we eventually realized that as long as there were relationships, politics, car sales, etc, there were always going to be new lies to include, so we never finished. Might have to dust that project off, and include a new chapter of bike swap lies. Yeah, maybe someday, when Campy manufactures new globe logo brake hoods. At a reasonable price. Or just starts using a "standard" chainring bolt pattern. (Ooooooh, I can feel the hate mail already rushing towards my in box, at the speed of light.).

One of the sillier off topic discussions occurred at Karen's cookout, and revolved around the use of food as a delivery system for tobacco/nicotine in "cutting edge" restaurants, somewhere. The conversation started shortly after the lighting up of several tobacco based personal mosquito abatement devices. The possible recipes and dishes were getting more and more bizarre and amusing, so eyes bugged out when Karen deposited two huge platters of freshly baked brownies on the table in front of us. One platter of plain brownies. One platter with with some enhancement that obviously altered the texture, which of course turned out to be nothing more sinister than walnuts (or so I heard). But Ray E was obviously totally baffled by some of the comments. More than a language barrier. I guess they did things differently over there. And I found myself in the odd position of having to explain the more traditional practice of using brownies as a delivery system for other weeds/chemicals. At least that's what I've heard they were used for. Maybe just one of those urban legends. I never inhaled, so I really don't know for sure.

In keeping with my own great lies (positive attitude, self delusion, call it what you want), I still spent more at the swap than at the used book/video/music store next to C de O, but it was close. If there are personalized heavens/hells waiting for each of us, that's what mine is going to look like, either way. Bikes, books, tunes, flicks, friends, with some smooth asphalt to ride on. No new bikes followed me home, but found myself constantly having to fight the normal swap impulse to follow any nice interesting vintage bike through the door to see if it was for sale. They're all nice bikes here, and most are just for display. Kept thinking of the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon I accidentally stumbled across again in a desk drawer the week before the Cirque. In response to Calvin's question "What's it like being a grown-up?", his Dad responds, while catering to the cosmetic needs of his bicycle "Well, it's not too different from being a kid, except you're more attached to your toys".

Got into an enjoyable little all-day bargaining bout with J Barron over a useless trinket that for now will continue to just clutter his life rather than mine. After returning home and telling the story to the spousal unit, her reaction was that if she had been there, she would have joined in and paid John more than whatever I offered, just to keep it from landing in MY pile. There's a strategy you don't see on ebay. Yet. So John, I guess SHE owes you $15.

Always enjoy spending time with the usual bike kooks, and meeting new ones, but found this years event very satisfying for some additional reasons. Really enjoyed finally bonding again with my trusty rusty Eisentraut Limited touring companion. It's been in retirement for many years, but another of those rules is, never get rid of a bike you really like. Now that I've finally gained 20 pounds my anatomy matches the frame rigidity much better, and the ride is much more pleasant without the need for loaded panniers to take the edge off. And the level terrain around G-boro spared it the insult of mountain bike gearing, which I refuse to inflict upon it. But we accidentally discovered that some of the gang suffer from an aversion to excess cable length. We do all have our little quirks. You just know I'm going to take that as a challenge to see how many people I can annoy NEXT year, with frayed, dangling toe clip straps or some other asthetic faux pas. I hope nobody saw the dirt inside my brake calipers and fork crown/blades. Also particularly enjoyed the reactions of several swap buds from other normal events, who I thought would appreciate this event. I've politely nudged several of them over the years, and a couple of them finally made the pilgrimage. Hearing some of their comments now and over the weekend serves to confirm that I haven't been dreaming. Or hallucinating.

Another Cirque has come and gone Reserve a room soon They won't last last long Burma Shave.

A few new friends, a few stronger friendships, more fun than I can stand. Thanks again Dale. Larry "conspicuously NOT crouching in the group photo" Osborn Up in the clouds covering the the hills around Bruceton Mills WV