I think the first time I ever got on a road bike and actually rode it for what most people would consider a "ride" by today's standards would be when I was 14 in 1979.
This dude who was two years older than me sells me his old Centurion Lemans as he had just bought a "Super Lemans." We didn't have much money because we (as kids) all worked at bunk jobs like washing dishes at old-folks homes for minimum wage--but you have to start somewhere.
So I retire my Redline and my Dan Gurney Eagle (which later were both stolen from where I lived) for the Lemans. The Lemans had "Grab-On" foam grips that covered the bras, and I think the parts were those "old Southern California desert" style Shimano 600.
All of these jerks kept talking about some ride called "the Loop;" (everyone who lives in this area knows what I am talking about.) This friend of mine asked me to ride the loop with him. We got going and when I saw this giant stretch of road ("Sand Hill Road") I had to climb, all I could think was "Why would anyone want to do this?" So I started cranking as hard as I could. Then some anal retentive screwball behind me starts yelling, 'You're "ankling" wrong!' 'You're "ankling" wrong!' I thought to myself "what the f--- is this guys problem?" I would have said something to him now, but back then I was a kid hearing this from a man.
Halfway through "the loop" there is /(or at least was) this cool little place you could stop in at and order hamburgers, french fries, and drink a lot of coke--so that's exactly what I did.
We got back on our bikes and kept going. The loop seemed to take forever to get through. I recall going down the hill (Alpine Road I believe) holding on for dear life. I remember telling my friend that I wanted to stop at Felt Lake (little privately owned lake) where all of the older kids and I would eventually go to take bong hits. So we stopped and dragged our bicycles through the fence and up the hill to the lake. Once at the lake, my friend says he wants swim out to this tower in the lake and jump off of it. So we laid our bikes down on this sandy area near the edge of the lake. He gets all undressed and swims out there. I had this "baby fat" around my breasts and some rolls of fat from eating too much candy below that. So I would never take my shirt off--(now it's even worse--most likely due to eating too much meat--not only that, I think I'm pushin' a "B-cup.")
While my friend is out there jumping off of this tower into the water, I just sat there and became miserable about my body fat. That said, I started piling sand on top of this dude's freewheel until it was completely covered! Then I covered his chain and rear derailleur in sand. Keep in mind I was 14.
My friend walks up onto shore all soaked and then sees what I had done to his new Super Lemans. All I remember is getting so much sand thrown in my eyes that I couldn't see a thing. Then I could feel him physically kicking the s--- out of me. I was trying to fight back but I could not see anything. Next thing you know the dude threw me in the water and started throwing large clumps of mud at me! As I was ducking the mud, he grabbed my bike and threw it in the lake! I started diving and fishing around for the bike in the water. My x-friend shouted numerous obscenities at me and then bailed.
I found and rescued the bike. It was absolutely covered in filthy murky water and mud. My grab-ons were soaked. Just then, a cop on a horse (animal, not motorcycle) comes trotting up to me. He asks me what I am doing and I tell him some dude threw me and my bike in the lake. He shook his head from side to side and promptly wrote me a citation for trespassing. Then he said "Consider yourself lucky that I didn't throw you in jail!"
Ted Baer
I had a brain scan today!
Palo Alto, CA