So a package came in the mail today, flat and wide, well secured by tape, r equiring several strokes from the trusty Swiss army knife to remove the con tents. And what do I see, but a NOS 50 tooth bisStronglight 99 chain ring.Oh Joy, oh rapture! I held it in it's swiss cheesy glory, revel ing in it's airy, delicate structure, my mind already a-whirl, picturing lo ng leisurely rides down shaded country lanes, happily twirling this ring on a fine lugged steel steed, myself somehow magically slender and black hair ed again. I slowly emerged from my meditation to see She Who Must be Obe yed looking at me oddly.
"Look dear!" I squealed. "A chain ring!" "Terrific", said she, "wh y am I looking at it?"
Crushed, deflated and demoralized, I slunk from her presence. Oh my darl ing, after so many years of patient evangelizing, still you're soul is dark and closed to the true path. Still you think of a bicycle as merely a t ool for recreation, instead of a holy metaphor for all that is right and be autiful if it is lugged steel, or the embodiment of evil and decadence if not. Still are you more concerned that your jersey matches your bar tap e as opposed to being happily mesmerized by a chain ring with 108 holes in it, declining to agonize over whether the bolt holes should or should not count in the count, or what value to assign to the hole with the over shif t peg in it. No, instead you ask "What good do the holes do?"
In truth I always knew this sad day would come. For never did the belove d object respond favorably as I read to her from my dissertation on the rel ative merits of the flat fork crown versus the sloping, or that heretical h ybridization, the semi sloping. Just to annoy me, she would fall asleep as the second hour of the recital started. But never before had I despai red of being some day able to bring her to the true faith.
But now I can deny the truth no longer: she does not love bikes as I do, nor can I hope to convert her. But I will be big about it: I will un derstand that due to some defect in her genetics or upbringing she is incap able of ascending to the true heights of appreciation, where counting the n umber of holes in a chain ring is not an act of lunacy, but a simple ritual= of devotion. As an act of charity, we will remain together. After al l, who else will I get to stoke the tandem?
Tom Adams, broken hearted but unbowed, in Manhattan, KS USA
Dump her.
Craig "been there done that" Montgomery Tucson